c-note-to-self (100th post)

100 times
over...
i'll miss
what never
was.

The Reformation

Constant shame,
Second guessing,
Lies for complacency,
And feeling unrooted.
All worth the risk?
But not worth settling.
I’m better than this.

Aggressive finesse,
Charming annoyance,
Poetic blatancy,
And steamy coolness.
All quite tempting
But not heart warming.
You’re more than that.

Eclipse

beside the
dirt-stained road,
under the lights
of a million stars
and extinguished
moon,
just breathe
not to flounder,
stay still
not to fluster,
wrapped warm
in a thread
of virtue.

forboding licentousness
sharp as a dagger,
exonerates inhibitions
spawning casualties
(now and forever).

on the
dew-soaked grass,
beneath the twilight
of a million mistakes
and disavowed
lust,
just breathe
not to endanger,
stay still
not to entangle,
re-wrap a
dirt-stained
thread.

TKO

the truth is,
i'm sick of
hangover apologies.
second prize isn't
worth the fight.
maybe is just
maybe
and waiting
takes too long.
so strap me up,
i'll finish
this round
and buy another
before 2
but tomorrow,
don't expect
"i'm sorry..."

the fading

in that pivitol
moment,
there's release
[strengthening spirit, hardening heart (if it still exists)]
and the cleansing
begins...
with climax
comes absence
a throbbing current
in a stream
eroding what's
left of you...
closer to me
than my skin
and they'll find
my bones
at the mouth of the river

ollie ollie oxen free

over lands of pink horizons
and watermark trees,
empty acreage painted white
fleeting fallacies of shadowed sparrows,
reflections of ambience off this winter-washed window.
chasing highway lines
toward the night stars ahead,
like beacons of light
leading me back

Anniversary of an Anniversary

the sequence of
events
can be read
over and over,
but it doesn't re-write
the past and these
mistakes are
unerasable.
so this pathetic year old prose
is proof that it's
time for a change,
a rearrangement.

and it all adds up
to mediocre
words,
pieces of my affections
scribbled out on
crumpled scraps.
this won't be the
end of me,
but it does mean
good-bye to you.


*and so this ends
a decade under the influence*